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[personal profile] kira9018
Nothing Last Forever (but we got each other)
Jongwoon/Ryeowook, Super Junior members

Hmm, this 'idea' came during The Friends in Swiss, and looking at it now, of course this was different considering The Little Prince released first ^__^ On a side note, I'm not regretting this because the reason I wrote this is subtly in here. Hope, you folks can see that :)

     Jongwoon approaches the edge of the bed, carefully in his steps in the dimness of the hotel room as to not wanting the sleeping lump on the bed to stir. Yongsun, their manager, has reminds him to let the poor soul that is his treasured member of Super Junior to have his much needed rest. Not that Jongwoon would actually try to wake up that certain member for fun.

     The man on the bed is sound asleep despite, notices Jongwoon as he rounds the bed, dry tears are evident on that handsome features. If he remembers correctly, the other man is adamantly refuses to return to the shared dorm that occupies no one else but him and Kyuhyun. By default, Kyuhyun is going to stay in that apartment alone tonight.

     As the moonlight breaking in through past the window pane and the curtain behind him, Jongwoon is left mesmerized at the sudden revelation of this certain member is his boyfriend. Jongwoon is quite sure he hadn’t has save a country in his past life for him to get to spend his lifetime with this beautiful human creation that is Ryeowook. He’s grateful, nonetheless, for everything that he gets to experience with Ryeowook by his side.

     Knowing what has been troubling his lover doesn’t make it any less easy for Jongwoon to catch Ryeowook from falling, he realizes. As he takes in the calm, serene face in front of him, he wonders what else Ryeowook has been hiding behind that lovely face. Is his façade enough to protect his lover from the unwanted things that could have possibly etched deeper if he is to drop down his guard?

     How big is Ryeowook’s heart to endure everything that isn’t in his control and manage to continue doing it to last a day and then repeat again the cycle?

     Jongwoon seems to not hear the clock ticking as he stares down at sleeping Ryeowook, who buries himself under the thick duvet. He wants to think of anything that is concerning of Ryeowook being anything – amazing, beautiful and astonishing – yet his mind comes up with nothing. He cannot even conjure out Ryeowook’s moments of embarrassment or a flushed deep red Ryeowook in his mind.

     As Jongwoon keeps on gazing down Ryeowook’s face, and his brain still muddled, he hasn’t realize the tears that have gather in his lower lids spilling down his cheeks, slowly out of pure unintentional. Jongwoon only aware of him crying in silent when he chokes out, his throat closes up tight with unnamed emotions. Ryeowook’s image before his eyes is getting blurry as tears unceremoniously pour down like a broken dam.

     Jongwoon vaguely thinks, this is nothing compared to what his lover had and has to bear. He being a no help to Ryeowook worsens it more.

     Jongwoon doesn’t know how he manages to calm himself down despite breaking down so randomly at night without a reason but he is glad that Ryeowook doesn’t wake up startled at the sobbing mess that is him. Walking away from Ryeowook in favor of freshen himself so he will not get a swollen eyes first thing in the morning and become a questionable target by Ryeowook, Jongwoon paces to the bathroom.

     He comes out thirty minutes later, spending fifteen minutes in his crying fit against the bathroom wall before pulling himself together and cleansing his face with Ryeowook’s cosmetic products on the shelf and washing it with warm water several times. Appearing by Ryeowook’s bed again, the opposite side from earlier, Jongwoon slips himself under the duvet.

     He wants to reach out to Ryeowook, who his back is facing him, yet hasn’t had a clue as how to not stirring him. Ryeowook being a light sleeper is downright frightening. Jongwoon though braces himself to rest a hand lightly on his lover’s slender waist; slowly inching himself closer when there is no indication of Ryeowook might wake up. He nuzzles behind Ryeowook, sniffing the heavenly citrus scent off Ryeowook’s fluffy light brown hair. And he’s dead to the world in a matter of second.


     It is probably a little close to five when Jongwoon arouses, noticing Ryeowook is shifting in his sleep to hide his face in Jongwoon’s chest, Ryeowook’s hair tickles his nose but he doesn’t mind that. He tightens his hold around the petite man, enough not to suffocate the other, and his hand stays warmly against Ryeowook’s delectable spine that goes hiding under the bundle of sweater, slightly higher from his hips.

     A soft, content sigh that escapes Ryeowook’s is the last thing Jongwoon registers as he falls back into sleep, snuggling into Ryeowook some more. It’s until two hours later, his brain finally clicks in, and as he stirs awake again to the sound of whimpering. Jongwoon acutely aware, despite his haziness, that Ryeowook is struggling to hold himself back as the petite man fists Jongwoon’s thin fabric shirt, buries his face further down Jongwoon’s chest.

     Jongwoon is to remain still, knowing fully Ryeowook has yet comes into term of whatever happening yesterday and needing a moment to let it all wind down. Because Jongwoon knows Ryeowook is not the type to remorse over anything, he though, knows having a little fit is the only thing Ryeowook can afford to not blame himself for everything he has done the day before.

     It is never to mean that Ryeowook is hypocrite, hiding all his hurt and locking them away in a haze, but rather Jongwoon reasons, as an act of Ryeowook withholding himself high. Ryeowook is his precious tiny human, who has countless flaws and fears. Ryeowook is admirable to a point Jongwoon marvels at the thought of his lover actually fights his inner demon, and having a debate within himself before they mutually settling on.

     He wishes though Ryeowook wills himself to let out every pent-up emotion he has held goodness knows for how long, and relies unto him to be there for him despite him not knowing a clue about what that is. Of course Jongwoon eventually knows, one way or another, but he can pretend.

     Jongwoon hasn’t realized of him speaking out loud his thought. Ryeowook’s cry that reverberates within the room seconds later notifies Jongwoon, unnerving him. He notices then Ryeowook is shaking violently against him. The shuddering Ryeowook in his whimper is seemingly hard for Jongwoon not to stay passive like he is not in the room, instead he simply holds Ryeowook closer Ryeowook him, squeezing Ryeowook’s side lightly.

     Jongwoon says nothing sort of reassurance because he thinks comforting words aren’t really in need for him to tell off to Ryeowook. His lover can easily amuse himself with those, he doesn’t need Jongwoon to tell him what supposed of him to be doing or act.

     Not knowing where it goes wrong, Jongwoon notes on a fact that Ryeowook has his own reasoning on why he opting to deliver his solo album to his and the other members’ residence address yesterday, three hours after it was released digitally. Its physical album will be available at noon today, which five hours from now.

     “Are you okay?” queries Jongwoon after Ryeowook has listlessly goes limp in his hold. The occasional hiccups are the only left of Ryeowook, subduing.

     It takes a lot of moment before Ryeowook responds. “I will,” he says, his voice is a little hoarse.

     “I can prepare a warm bath if you want,” tells Jongwoon softly, shifting his hand to play with Ryeowook’s hair strand against his nape.

     “It tickles,” Ryeowook whines in his soft voice, sliding his hand beneath Jongwoon’s sleeveless shirt and gasping. “You’re cold.”

     “Well, you’re warm enough for me not to feel cold.”Jongwoon throws off jokingly, relishing in the faint blush flames Ryeowook’s cheeks. He rather hears than feels Ryeowook is smiling against his chest as the smaller man’s hand on his skin goes still. And before Ryeowook can pull away his hand off Jongwoon’s, the older reaches out at him. “I’m gonna start preparing it by ten.”

     It is a statement that is supposed to make Ryeowook readied himself so to not feel as Jongwoon suddenly wants to catch him unguarded or vulnerable.

     “I’m sorry,” starts Ryeowook.

     “Don’t be,” reminds Jongwoon. “I’m sorry, too for whatever that is.”

     Jongwoon moves in careful measure once he learns that Ryeowook has falls asleep, snoring lightly, and kissing the other by his temple soothingly when Ryeowook stirs. He gets off the bed and heads towards the bathroom, discarding his clothes all the way.

     As Jongwoon finishes showering and begins to fill up the bathtub with warm water for Ryeowook to use, he hears a faint beep from his smart phone somewhere outside on the drawer. He steps out from the bathroom, striding towards the lump on the bed.

     “Baby, wake up.” Jongwoon says gently, caressing Ryeowook’s long fringe that seems poking into his beautiful brown eyes in its wake. “The water is ready.”

     Ryeowook hums in content, only whining when Jongwoon stops his ministrations. Fluttering his eyes open, he watches half-lidded-ly Jongwoon moving around the room and grabbing a phone on the drawer. “You’re going somewhere?”

     “I can’t let you starve here, can I?” Jongwoon slides open his phone before remembering to switch off the faucet and dashing towards the bathroom. “Come here, I’ll help you stripped off your clothes.” Jongwoon calls out from the bathroom.

     Ryeowook resists of rolling his eyes to the high ceiling at Jongwoon’s suggestion. Crawling out off the bed, Ryeowook massages gently his undoubtedly swollen eyes. “Are you suggesting something, dear?”

     “No,” humors Jongwoon, peeking out his head to see Ryeowook is rubbing his eyes in circle. His face falls at the sight. “Come here,” Jongwoon says softly, reaching out to Ryeowook, who lets out a squeak at the sudden contact by his arm muscle.

     Jongwoon positions Ryeowook on the bathroom sink, ignoring the weak protest that comes off Ryeowook’s body instinctively as he holds him still on the counter. “Jongwoon,” Ryeowook tries but the older man swallows the rest of Ryeowook’s sentence in a searing kiss.

     In a heated battle of dominance, Ryeowook lets out a gasp when Jongwoon bites his lower lips and dives his tongue skillfully inside his mouth instantly. “Relax. Don’t fight me, Ryeowook.” Jongwoon barely whispers, drawing imaginary patterns behind Ryeowook’s small back.

     “I’m not,” Ryeowook finds himself answering as he curls his arm around Jongwoon’s neck and deepens their kiss. His other hand gains a hold of Jongwoon’s shirt, fisting it tightly. “Place your hands on me,” Ryeowook says urgently.

     “No,” struggles Jongwoon, fighting against his lust and needs of ravishing his dear lover right then and there.

     Ryeowook is flat out whining under his breath as he disentangles himself from the kiss, feeling his lungs burns from the lack of oxygen. He, however, lets Jongwoon explores and licks at every contour he can get, sighing softly at the amazing feeling it brings up upon him. “Why won’t you ask anything?”

     “Later,” says Jongwoon, his mouth moving alongside the other’s jaw, deciding to graze Ryeowook’s beautiful collarbone with his teeth. “You’re going to avoid me, though.”

     Tilting his head, Ryeowook gives an access for Jongwoon to continue marking him. When his eyes flutter close as Jongwoon bites a particular spot right below the collarbone, Ryeowook feels dizziness spinning all around his head. “Do you get to strip me so I can clean myself, dear?”

     Jongwoon growls dangerously low in Ryeowook’s ear. “What’s with the sudden dear name calling?” He works fast like a lightning, pulling Ryeowook’s shirt out of the way and popping the button off Ryeowook’s undeniably tight jeans.

     “Thought you might like it,” responds Ryeowook, almost out of his breathe at the speed Jongwoon has him naked. “Do you?”

     There’s no answer coming from Jongwoon as the older of the two is still battling against his inner demon, gripping hard it will leave bruises the next morning on his lover’s lovely hips. He pulls Ryeowook off from the counter, and presses him against the wall beside the counter.

     “I’m not touching you,” Jongwoon speaks rather to himself, diligently pressing his mouth in between Ryeowook’s neck and his shoulder, nibbling one or two spots before stepping back. Ryeowook watches in amazement at Jongwoon’s full blown pupils, giggling softly. “Get into the tub now,” orders Jongwoon, feeling his body readily bolts out of the room and drags the poor Ryeowook along with him.

     Ryeowook is definitely turns on of Jongwoon’s authoritative voice, and instead he settles on watching the other man suffers when Jongwoon’s eyes follow his every move towards the tub. He thinks about putting up a show for the older – he bends down to enticingly test the water but gasps leaving him first as he feels the water scalding his hand.

     Jongwoon laughs heartily, staying put and leaning against the wall behind him. When Ryeowook glares at him, he laughs even more. He holds his hand up in the air, much to Ryeowook’s chagrin. “I’d swear I adjust it right.”

     Ignoring the mocking, Ryeowook slowly enters the water and lowers himself carefully. He submerges himself in the full body of water for a while before coming back to the surface for oxygen. He notices the lavender scented soap at the edge of the tub then, drawing out his hand to grasp it. “Thanks, Jongwoon.”

     Jongwoon merely beams at Ryeowook though the younger doesn’t look at his way. “I’ll be back before you know it. Enjoy yourself.” Jongwoon is out of the bathroom and the hotel room in no time, hurrying himself down to the lobby.


     If someone else is to know about him and Ryeowook, Jongwoon supposes, Heechul is the first one that gets to hear it firsthand, directly from either both of them. Therefore, it is not comes as a surprise when Heechul is the first one to text him this morning. The older guy has always been the constant reminder of him and Ryeowook to keep on having faith in their relationship of nearly six years.

     “I’ll let you know,” begins Heechul as soon as Jongwoon is within his earshot.

     “Whoa,” says Jongwoon, baffled. “Hold your horses down.”

     Heechul simply turns himself around and plops down on the sofa like a diva he is, casting a brief look across the waiting area. If Jongwoon is to listen calmly about things he needs him to know, he better lets the poor man comfortably sitting on a sofa.

     “He sent his album to many places since last week,” starts Heechul, giving no time for Jongwoon to properly sit down, because he hates waiting.

     Jongwoon, still standing, tries to joke around but he realizes then Heechul rarely jokes around him or Ryeowook. Everything that is being said by him about them is all the truth. “When did you get yours?”

     “Last week, right after I came home from the party at Hongki’s.” Heechul glances at Jongwoon, pulling him down unceremoniously by his sleeve. “Then, I know Kibum, Sungmin and Hangeng get one copy each. You might be saddened by this fact but you know what, the rest of the other members, except us five, receive nothing but the same message.”

     Jongwoon contemplates, totally taken aback at the sudden information. “How did you know such thing? And how would you-” Jongwoon breaks off, a lump forms inside his throat. He might not know anything because Ryeowook is hell-bent of not wanting him knows about his solo work, except one or two opinions. He can feel the surging emotions within him rush and pound loudly against his ears, deafening.

     “You know I just know,” says Heechul, taking a pity on the younger member. “I’ll be with you whenever you need me, just take care of him for me.” Heechul rises to his feet in time Gunhee comes round the lobby to remind him about his tight schedule. “He’ll be fine, Jongwoon. You no need to worry.”

     Abandon alone in the middle of the waiting area, Jongwoon is left on his own to patch himself up. Despite he has played Ryeowook’s solo album work and listened to each track and paid attention to every lyrics and the meaning behind each words, he has somehow expects any kind of surprises, considering that Ryeowook is willingly delivers the physical album to the group members before its’ due.

     He just never assumes of different people get different messages kind of surprises, with varying meanings it holds all together. Even he himself tearing up a bit upon hearing such heartfelt message directed – solely – Jongwoon consciously reminds himself, to him just before the last three tracks playing out.

     Perhaps, this is why Ryeowook takes refuge somewhere that isn’t a place he can call home.


/ / / / / /


     As Ryeowook gets busy in preparing for his enlistment and Jongwoon with his entirely and carefully planned out packed schedule, they both haven’t met in a proper ambience to talk about Jongwoon’s pressing thoughts. The day Jongwoon acquires some information from Heechul regarding Ryeowook’s solo work is the same day Ryeowook leaves the hotel for his own schedule. He hasn’t ask Yongsun whether Ryeowook is really leaving for works or something else, though he thinks Ryeowook is simply avoiding him, just like how he has predicted himself.

     It’s a miracle Yongsun is still alive despite tipping off Jongwoon about Ryeowook’s whereabouts on that fateful night. Never mind he gets to deal with Kyuhyun’s sudden outburst of knowing Ryeowook hasn’t back to their dorm yet, not until much later of the next day. By the time Ryeowook is back after his DJ-ing work, Jongwoon is whisked away by the other manager, urgently asking him to starts moving so they can arrive at his filming location in time.

     Though, reckons Jongwoon, they can always communicate with the phone, which it is by far his least favorite way of saying something important to Ryeowook. If Ryeowook is unyielding and uncooperative, there is no way, by any means, it will work. It won’t work until Ryeowook decides it will.

     Sighing heavily, Jongwoon miraculously wishes within a week time span of Ryeowook stepping down from his job at KBS, he gets to talk to his dearest boyfriend. These four weeks of him not knowing what the other has been doing truthfully almost killing him. He sincerely relies on his gratitude on the period where he is away for the military service has taught him the hardest lesson yet. (Back in 2009 - 2010, when he just started develop feelings for Ryeowook, those days are the most torturous he ever experienced like his body is set on fire, blazing.)

     Perhaps that is why Jongwoon never understand why patience is a virtue – he’s about to reach on his raging threshold – never understand why Ryeowook always has all the patience in the world to keep on avoiding him. And he reasons that they should stop playing this tug-and-war game before Heechul, or Kyuhyun, or anyone else that matters come knocking at his apartment and demand him for a damage control. (Ryeowook is rarely done to such extreme, plus they never know if Ryeowook ever needs one until they think it is too late.)

     Drawing out his phone of his pocket jeans, Jongwoon words out his sentence attentively, without seemingly looks like he’s pushing it too far to Ryeowook’s liking.

Jongwoon: I don’t think I’m over-reacting when I say that you are upset with me specifically and generally everything, but you can’t shut me out like this, Ryeowook. I want to be there for you.

     He hasn’t expected a reply right away. Ryeowook probably sits on a chair, thinking deeply about how should he replies to him – little white lies or the ugly truth. He is more than glad really, that Ryeowook takes into consideration of responding to his message seven hours later.

     Upon the faint vibration of his phone on his thigh, Jongwoon hastily puts down everything on his hands that is two iced coffee and a plentiful chocolate muffin which there are on a tray and passes it to Jongjin, who is busy taking orders from behind the register.

     “Do me a favor, I’ll be right back.” Jongwoon says.

     He waves his hand politely when he catches the whining from the queue line in front of the counter, flashing a tiny smile as he strides down to exit the door leads to the kitchen. Fishing his phone out of the confine of his jeans, he continues walking before stopping right in front of the many brewing machines.

Ryeowookie: I am not upset with you.

     Jongwoon has to admit that he’s kind of disappointed at the short six words that have been glaring at him for quite a while. “You’re so fucked up, Jongwoon.” He mutters softly under his breath, banging his head lightly on the cabinet next to the machines.

     “Are you okay, son?” Jongwoon’s mother, suddenly appearing, pats lovingly on her son’s shoulder. “I’ve been listening to Ryeowook’s album as of lately. He has a lovely voice, and also a refined taste in music.” says Mrs. Kim dreamily.

     Jongwoon might as well laugh at his mother’s dreamy voice, but he is too deep in the black hole he feels his hope ebbing away. “He is,” agrees Jongwoon, monotonous. “He’s one of a gem.”

     Mrs. Kim studies her oldest son’s bored way of speaking. Jongwoon is still has his head on the cabinet. “I heard that he recorded a separate message for you and the members and the fans as well. Why aren’t you telling me any of these?”

     Staring down at his shoes, Jongwoon swiftly locks his phone off and turns himself around, leaning back against the cabinet. The look his mother giving him is soft and calming, a sharp contrast of his reeling mind and thumping heartbeats. “I don’t want you to know that mine is a slight different from the rest of our members.”

     As his mother continues staring at him, Jongwoon feels he is obligated to pour everything that has him so restless these past weeks. She isn’t judging or neither is she curious, just genuine confusion. “I don’t want to cause any confusion among the members or fans. It’s already confusing as it is.”

     “Is Ryeowook okay, honey?” Mrs. Kim reaches out to her son, squeezing Jongwoon’s hand gently. She is concerned, but she knows not to push any further.

     “Honestly, I have the faintest idea.” Jongwoon sighs, squeezing back his mother’s hand lightly. “I’ll let you listen to his message when I drive you back to home later on. I need to get back outside, mom.” He glides smoothly through the kitchen and disappears.


     Jongjin and he engage in a light banter when Jongwoon starts playing Ryeowook’s solo via the CD player inside his car, skipping to track number four right away.

     “No, play from the beginning,” Jongjin at the backseat exclaims, shifting slightly so he can touch the previous icon of the touch screen.

     Jongwoon slaps his brother’s hand away. “I like track 4 the best, deal with it.”

     “I’ll tell Ryeowook-hyung that you dislike his other tracks,” Jongjin sulkily says, reluctantly moving away from the player.

     “I don’t care, but you’d better not.” Jongwoon warns his brother, listening to the soothing vocal of Ryeowook running through the speaker. It feels like a breezy wind sweeping through him as he stands in the middle of the green field all alone, relaxing and peaceful. The sweet rendition has him floating on a cloud, so carefree.

     It’s nice while it lasts.

     “Is something wrong with the player, hyung? Father, press the next icon please.” Jongjin’s puzzlement rings out loud when he notices a blank period after the previous track finishes.

     While Mr. Kim a bit reluctant to obey his second son, he spies at his eldest son’s reaction. Jongwoon has his lips press together in a thin line, focusing on the road ahead of them and his hand clenches the driving wheel a bit too hard.

   “It’s the icon next to the play icon,” urges Jongjin. “You should tell your company agency to-“

“Surprise! But you’re not surprise, are you? ... I have a whole mountain lot to say, but I’m ... going to make it short. ......I will always have your back, Jongwoon. Watch out for me, hmm?”

     Immediately after, track five plays, the only melody that fills the car. Jongwoon refuses to say anything, partly because he is too emotional to explain further to his family. Ryeowook’s message for him is all over the album, intentionally or not. He can feel it, like the way he knows today is going to rain despite the weather forecast says the opposite.

     Gathering his thought, Jongwoon begins when the piano instrument of track six gracing his souls. “Everyone else has their own message inserted in between track three and four, fans right after the first track. I get a bonus right after this.”

     Jongwoon thinks he is rambling when he continues. “It’s his personal achievement, and he shouldn’t shower too much attention to everyone or thank every soul for his existence. He has the right to be.”

     Jongwoon doesn’t remember how he arrives at his parent’s house, but he remembers the warmth radiating off his brother as Jongjin pulls him out of the driver seat and embraces him in a hug. His father comes later, standing at his side while his mother has her face to the ground, dabbing at her eyes gently as she steps into the house. He doesn’t remember either if he has been crying when Jongjin pats him squarely on his shoulder, his strange way of offering comfort.

     But he remembers of him breaking down when he retrieves his phone upon hearing it beeping and reading Ryeowook’s message. He cries so hard then.

Ryeowookie: I’m not shutting you out. I’m sorry. Meet you at dawn later, your place. Cheer up!


     Has anyone been wondering why they received his solo album personally through their managers, they just keep quiet to themselves, silently sending out their gratitude in any way possible. Ryeowook giggles softly to himself as he remembers the time where Kyungsoo and Jongdae present him a giraffe plush doll in a white-and-black dotted box when they both came and give him support of his first music show promotion.

     The last day of him in Sukira, Hyungsik surprises him and the other seven Super Junior members who are his last guests and the production staffs with cheese-cake. Then the young singer gives out his framed autograph to him, asking Ryeowook to treasure it well.

     Ryeowook has no idea, honestly, the precious moments in Sukira he gets to spend with the rest of his members is splendidly turns out despite he knows both Heechul and Jongwoon are quite uncomfortable talking about his solo, not when they get a slight distinct copy from him himself. Thankfully, many members as guests mean that no one topic gets to stay for a discussion. He heedlessly ignores every attempt Jongwoon wants him to react at and at every look Heechul telepathically sends towards him, he brushes them all off.

     Ryeowook will be forever grateful of Yongsun for keeping his lips tight till the end.

     As Ryeowook taking his time to Jongwoon’s apartment floor, he keeps himself amused with thoughts of whether his boyfriend really has a hard time, and that if Jongwoon is, he deserves someone else better than him. Though he would never ever agree if Jongwoon wants anyone but him. He fights with his life to have Jongwoon, no matter what.

     The watch lays perfectly on Ryeowook’s thin wrist says it is fifteen minutes past five in the morning. Without having a second thought, he presses the doorbell next to the punch code lock. Ryeowook waits patiently, fidgeting slightly when it takes almost twenty minutes for the entrance door to open.

     “Why didn’t you just punch in the code? I never changed them,” says Jongwoon, appearing from behind the door, rubbing at his eyes sleepily. His eyes are swollen, like a panda with those huge black eyes, except Jongwoon is red.

     “Have you been crying?” asks Ryeowook, closing the front door behind him and careful not to reach out for the man who merely inches from him. “I didn’t mean to wake you up though.”

     “Yes for the first one. Your fault,” Jongwoon whines cutely, wrapping his both hands around his lover’s petite frame. “I fell asleep because of the first one.”

     Ryeowook lets Jongwoon hugs him for as long as the older wants them to be, relishing in the familiar warmth and comforting touch that is Jongwoon. He feels Jongwoon’s hot, short breath intakes in his ear, sending shivers all over his spine. The older hasn’t done anything sort of exciting other than that, so Ryeowook thought maybe Jongwoon has fall asleep on him.

     “Are you with me, Jongwoon?” queries Ryeowook, his hands at the side itching to put on behind Jongwoon’s back.

     Instead, Jongwoon hums contentedly. “Don’t you miss me? I’ve lasted four weeks without you satisfying my needs.”

     Growing flushed with Jongwoon’s admission, Ryeowook remains silent. He offhandedly says after a moment passes. “It’s a great exercise for the next twenty-three months.”

     Jongwoon groans then, pulling himself away to look at his boyfriend, his hand settles just above Ryeowook’s hips. “No enlistments talk until I’m satiable. But we both agree that I need to charge up my energy and stamina before I take you everywhere in this apartment.”

     Ryeowook is actually blanched at Jongwoon’s audacity. “Let’s get you back to bed then.” He grabs Jongwoon’s wrist, the one that isn’t behind his back, and leads them both to Jongwoon’s bedroom. He doesn’t bother of switching the light on for the first light is about to coming out sooner or later.

     “Do not go anywhere outside of my apartment,” warns Jongwoon, depositing himself on the mattress. His eyes instantly close as the soft padding beneath him works its magic on his sore muscle. Reluctantly open his eyes again to make sure Ryeowook is still there with him in his bedroom, he questions. “Why did you ring the bell?”

     “A decision based solely on your logical reasoning,” says Ryeowook.

     “Sorry, can you please speak Korean?”Jongwoon asks, unceremoniously pulling Ryeowook on top of him, which earning a soft cry that leaving his lover’s. He laughs when Ryeowook presses him further down to bed by his chest in effort to sit himself back up.

     “Go to sleep, mister.” Ryeowook says, annoyed.

     “Explanation first,” demands Jongwoon.

     “It is as it is,” says Ryeowook.

     Jongwoon moves suddenly and grabs Ryeowook’s face, holding it carefully in between his palms and putting his mouth over the other lush lips, pulling both Ryeowook and he back on the mattress. He keeps on kissing Ryeowook until he feels Ryeowook relaxed at his touch, and then he releases him ever slowly. Both of them are breathless, but Jongwoon scores a point when he just looks at Ryeowook with his eyebrow moves slightly and Ryeowook is defeated.

     The younger man decides to rest his head on Jongwoon’s broad chest, “There’s nothing much to it, really. Just, I am giving you a leeway to shut me out, too.”

     “That’s contradicting with my point of I want to be there for you?” Jongwoon points out, his hand caresses Ryeowook’s cheekbone lightly. As he stares at Ryeowook under his eyelashes, he lets drowsiness slowly drugging him to sleep.


     Around eleven, Jongwoon drags his body that feels like a lead out of his bed and paces to the kitchen upon hearing pots clanking. He lazily leans his body against the kitchen doorstep, watching Ryeowook moves around the kitchen like he owns the area.

     “You know,” starts Jongwoon, “I let my family listened to your message last night. And I let my mom knows about the differences.” Casting his gaze down on the floor, he softly inquires. “Why Heechul got to have yours a week earlier?”

     Ryeowook turns himself around only after he switches off the burner, taking in Jongwoon’s slender and a slight hunched figure. “You’re not supposed to know,” Ryeowook says softly.

     “Weren’t you cried at all of recording thousand kinds of messages?” Jongwoon snaps, lifting his head up to look at Ryeowook. His body trembles with pent-up emotions and he struggles to keep it under control. He watches Ryeowook stood in tense, putting up a front as the younger man stares back at him. “I hate it when you just out of nowhere shut yourself off of me. I want to be there for you, like I mean it for forever. Why won’t you just let me?”

     Jongwoon enters the kitchen and pulls out a chair behind the table harshly, scratching sound irritating his ears but he is too damned pissed to care about it. Plopping down on the chair, he reaches the jar on the table and helps himself to a glass of water.

     Goodness, screams Jongwoon internally, clutching hard at the glass. He thought they have already put these ridiculous fights behind them. Apparently two years lesson he has learnt back in his enlistments day doesn’t achieve much. Jongwoon keeps telling himself to stay composed and remain all collected. They’re not going to fight each other like a fucked up people fighting. They aren’t fucked up people.

     Gulping down water in one go, Jongwoon places the glass back down. “This is totally insane, but you’re not going to let me see you while you’re staying out for the service, are you?”

     “Or anyone else for that matter,” says Ryeowook, still stiff in his stance.

     “Fuck!”Jongwoon shouts, his anger shooting up to the roof. The glass in his hand flying across the kitchen as he stands to his feet, pacing and only stopping when he is in front of Ryeowook.

     Ryeowook is beyond surprised at the sudden noise, flinching. Out of habit, he moves past Jongwoon to clear away the tiny pieces on the floor but then Jongwoon whispers.

     “Leave it alone.”

     But Ryeowook the ever stubborn man tries again. This time around, Jongwoon clasps a dead grip on his wrist, bruising the pale skin. “I said leave it alone,” Jongwoon applies some more pressure against Ryeowook’s thin wrist, trying to teach a lesson. He is letting it free only when Ryeowook winces in pain.

     Heaving, Jongwoon breathes out softly, his hand trembling. “Leave it all alone, please.” He feels his legs turn to jelly, readily buckling underneath his weight and sprawling all over the floor.

     Ryeowook opens his mouth, attempting to apologize or anything but Jongwoon beats him to it.

     “Don’t,” whispers Jongwoon.”Don’t apologize, don’t say anything. Don’t do anything. Just stay here with me.”

     Jongwoon hasn’t known himself as a person with many tears, but he can’t help himself when Ryeowook gently gathers him in an embrace, spilling yet another batch of tears. He lets out an absolutely nonsense while Ryeowook patiently holds him out, listening to his gibberish words to the very last bits.

     He is meant to say that he would never understand why Ryeowook did what he did, why Ryeowook wants to do things that clearly don’t make sense to him, but he’ll try anyway. He’ll try because if he won’t who will? And if no one is willing to, then no one is supposed to be living in glory and watching a soul loses his faith.

     Ryeowook actually tears up when he responds. “I’m not going to turn fucking crazy.”

     “Did you just curse?” Jongwoon laughs, tears continuously pouring down still and drenching Ryeowook’s dark blue plaid dress shirt.

    They don’t calm themselves down for at least forty-five minutes. Jongwoon’s insatiable appetite, however, is their undoing. As Ryeowook wipes the tears staining Jongwoon’s face, he says. “We’ll come back here in five, okay.”

     Jongwoon dumbly nods, mirroring Ryeowook’s action. “I’ll let you know again baby, I don’t like you shutting off me out of your life.”

     “I’m simply buying us time, Jongwoon.” Ryeowook pushes Jongwoon out of the kitchen, avoiding the tiny pieces on the floor and to the direction of his bedroom. “It’s mostly on my part, but you get what I mean, I’m sure.”

     “I can never win you over an argument,” Jongwoon simply states, turning himself around slightly to kiss Ryeowook’s temple. “See you in a bit.”


     Jongwoon and Ryeowook have an amazing luncheon, courtesy of the younger man’s exceptional cooking skill and spend an incredibly ample time of the remaining day with cuddling on the bed and as cheesy as it seems making love to each other. Jongwoon for the most part has Ryeowook’s hands tied up, either to the bedpost or just with a shirt or tie. It’s all for the incredible hard time Ryeowook has not make an effort to make it bearable for Jongwoon’s life.

     “This is not a lesson,” reminds Jongwoon, “because I figure out that you’d already figure it out.” He’s panting heavily against Ryeowook’s slightly red earlobe.

     The way Jongwoon’s powerful shoulders and chest dwarf him makes Ryeowook feels he is certainly in fictional paradise with all the flowers and heavenly scents. Safe and protected. Ryeowook can’t think of how many rounds Jongwoon has him tied up like he is a living doll that supposed not to be moving unless he is told, and supposes that he isn’t bothered much with the treatment either.

     “Y-you’re sanely mad at me,” Ryeowook chokes out a reply, gasping when Jongwoon hits the certain spot inside of him with such accuracy. His legs that wrapped around Jongwoon’s tighten, digging Jongwoon’s backside painfully.

     Jongwoon makes a chuckle sound that seems like he’s growling. “I mean to stop tying you up, but you’re making it impossible.” His thrusts get deeper and erratic, building up the intensity he deeply wants to intoxicate himself into.”You have no idea how delicious you are, baby.”

     That sweet oh-so-not-innocents are apparently Ryeowook’s cue. It’s amazing, thinks Ryeowook, as he hasn’t remembered if Jongwoon ever touches him down there the whole time Jongwoon ravishing and pounding him like a hungry lion. His spurts streaming jets in between their stomachs, and his spine shudders in a delicious way possible and has his toes numb out cold.

     Continuing to thrust impossibly harder and deeper than before, Jongwoon crushes his petite lover on the mattress as he fills Ryeowook completely, leaving no room for any of his fill leaking out of Ryeowook’s abused hole. His labored breaths fan over Ryeowook’s shoulder as he wills himself to wind down from the high ecstasy, groaning.

     Jongwoon lazily brings his hands forward to the bedpost and unfastens the hold of Ryeowook’s hands on the post. He hears Ryeowook sighs in relief at the unrestrained tie. “Sorry, baby.” Jongwoon says, planting a brief kiss along the ridge of Ryeowook’s beautifully carved collarbone.

     The younger man is still lost in his delirious state he seems couldn’t do anything except drops down his hands uselessly above his head, exhausted. Ryeowook cannot even move his mouth to say that the other shouldn’t apologize though he reckons Jongwoon knows that he isn’t in need to apologize but wants to still.

     “Sometimes, I’m marveled of the fact that I’m such a beast never scared you shitless.” Jongwoon speaks again, slowly and carefully rolling himself off Ryeowook, pressing their bodies close still, needing the contact.

     Ryeowook doesn’t know of how he should respond to Jongwoon’s statement. He never knows if he should respond when his words sometimes are too downright unfitting to describe his feeling for the other. “Hyung,” says Ryeowook after a moment.

     As Jongwoon lifts his chin, tilting, Ryeowook charges forwards, lifting his head as high as possible under the pining of Jongwoon’s strong body and kissing down the older mouth fervently. Tiny prickles starts to tingle up his nape but Ryeowook focuses on Jongwoon’s hot and warm cavern, granting of dominance as Jongwoon loses to him. When Ryeowook can feel his hands again, he tangles them in Jongwoon’s unruly silver-blond hair, tugging harshly.

     That has lasted shorter than Ryeowook has expected of himself, but he’s never the one with stamina though. As he slows down, Ryeowook happily lets Jongwoon leads. Lazy and light, nothing rushes. Ryeowook hums in pleasure as Jongwoon sneaks his hand behind his nape and rub down the strained muscle, kneading.

     “I can be beast too if I want,” says Ryeowook in between kisses and Jongwoon laughs inside Ryeowook’s mouth. “Mine just isn’t that wild compared to yours.”

     “In a scale of 1 to 10, how wild I am?” Jongwoon asks.

     “100,” Ryeowook replies easily.

     “You surely do not accept defeat.” Jongwoon says, leaning away finally and barks out a laughter, falling on his backside. “How wild you are then?”

     Ryeowook thinks the other is insulting him because he can never top that perfect score of 100 either way. He, instead, brings his hands from Jongwoon’s hair to Jongwoon’s face, silently asking him to do something on the red, angry lines imprint his wrist.

    “I’ll give you 99,” Jongwoon says, retracting his hand behind Ryeowook’s neck and starts massaging the thin fragile wrists. “Just one less short.”

    “90,” counters Ryeowook. “I want to stay 90.”

     Jongwoon quirks an eyebrow at Ryeowook’s admission, but doesn’t make a comment. Due to the curtains that have yet drawn off the window panes, Jongwoon has to cut a glance up at his analog clock on his bedside table. It’s approaching to a number of eight.

     “I’ll make something for dinner. Get some rest, Ryeowook.”

     Jongwoon only disappears from bedroom after cleaning up both him and Ryeowook with the wet wipes and reaching up for his sweatpants.


     The two lovers basically repeat the same routine after devouring appetizing meatballs spaghetti and finishing up the big cup of vanilla mint chip ice cream. Jongwoon has Ryeowook, who wears Jongwoon’s dress shirt with nothing else on, bends on the dining table after washing up the dishes and enters him from behind. He takes him again when he lays Ryeowook down on the table for the second round.

     Jongwoon hasn’t let Ryeowook take a breather when he moves his lover and perches him on the edge of the kitchen counter, bunching together the shirt and licking all the way of Ryeowook’s length and swallowing to the very last of Ryeowook’s drop. By the time Ryeowook has shifts his leg unsteadily out of Jongwoon’s shoulder, Ryeowook feels the need to tug at Jongwoon’s hair so the older man can look up at him before something else ensues.

     “Can you please give me a minute or two? I need to breathe properly through my nose, dear.” Ryeowook is barely whispering and his voice is hoarse from all the screaming and groaning he makes. He might as well lose his voice altogether by the next morning.

     Jongwoon keeps his mouth shut as he nuzzles his face into the crook of Ryeowook’s smooth neck, occasionally licking the thin sheen of sweat there. Before he knows about it, he’s already peppering light kisses on Ryeowook’s sharp jaw, trailing up past Ryeowook’s ear. “I think I like you calling me dear,” Jongwoon says huskily, nibbling at the soft flesh.

     Jongwoon feels Ryeowook’s smile as the younger man buries his face in Jongwoon’s hair. “How many more rounds do you want me still?” Jongwoon also can feel the exhaustion that dripping out of his small lover’s body.

     “As many as possible,” Jongwoon chuckles lightly when Ryeowook hits him by his shoulder, “though for tonight I suppose I’m satisfied with a round or two in the bathroom.” A moment of hesitation that courses through Jongwoon has the older steps back slightly. “You’re up for it, do you?”

     Ryeowook smiles, his eyes crinkle up in amusement. “Why don’t you help me unbutton this shirt considering you’ve got nothing to discard of? That saves up time,” reminds Ryeowook. Jongwoon’s pants has since long forgotten, lying under the table uselessly.

     Sex in the bathroom is nothing short of impressive and mind-blowing because the last three rounds Ryeowook gets to touch Jongwoon and has the older man growling like a wild creature of ancient times, untamed. Ryeowook is totally spent when Jongwoon holds him up, tight grip around his waist and by his stomach as Jongwoon sporadically thrusting upward, fast and deep each time, reaching for that shattering climax. Jongwoon finishes up with a deep, passionate kiss, which has Ryeowook comes between his legs for thousand times that day.

     Ryeowook thinks he can’t survive that long of twenty-three months without the intensely overwhelming love making sessions. But if he is to break his promise, that will be dumb of him, prompts Ryeowook. He needs a lot of space to sort out his feelings and the needs of feeling his own body again. He has to utilize the time he will spend away from the entertainment world so he can get back to his feet again, content and assured.

     “We’ll go somewhere far tomorrow,” says Jongwoon, intentionally breaking Ryeowook’s train-to-nowhere. “We’re going to spend time there, fucking each other thousand times than what we have today. And that’ll be the last of it.” Jongwoon has himself turns around as he pulls off Ryeowook, grabbing at the shower gel on the stand. “I won’t be sending you off.”

     They both lapse into silence as Jongwoon and Ryeowook take turn to wash each other’s body. They do not speak, still, when they step outside of the bathroom, and into the cool air-conditioned bedroom. Jongwoon helps drying of Ryeowook’s wet hair, gentle in his movement. He dresses Ryeowook in warm cloth that is oversized, and Jongwoon smiles to himself as he watches Ryeowook adjusts the shirt accordingly.

     “You’re one cute kitten, aren’t you?” Jongwoon says, ruffling his lover’s hair with affection and adoration sparkling out of his eyes.

     Ryeowook watches Jongwoon dresses under his half-lidded eyes and waits for the older to return to bed. Only when he kisses Jongwoon goodnight, snuggling close to Jongwoon’s side, does he respond.

     “I’m your cute kitten,” he murmurs.


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August 2016

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